recurrent

Confused ideas, it's hard not knowing what to do when you can not control what you feel.
I want monotony.
No variation
I hate the feeling of falling without a place to hold, hate me feel a burden to others.
I feel ridiculous dread
Without explanation,
The worst part is knowing that it is a process, a cycle:
fear, suffering, solitude, contemplation, seeking freedom. freedom indefinitely and on any given day something triggers fear ... pain and so on.
Until when?